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Tuesday, 06 May 2008

UGLY

i love ugly
i rather love your ugly than fall in love with your sweet lies >__________________<
why???
because i will love you no matter what! i fell in love with you
so your everything is beautiful!
even the scars

that was so random ): but i'm finding out more and more about the people around me. and i really mean that. don't pretend you're anything you're not. @ 0 @ (i'm gonna tell her this)

Monday, 28 April 2008

lost and found

right now i'm listening to new band for me ellegarden~ i couldn't find the song jamie @ 0 @

ahhhh soooo i feel a lot better! ignore the last post ^^; this is totally random and will sound really lame but *lame alert, lame alert* when things are lost... things are found... so even though many things seem to be vanishing, i'm still really grateful for what i have. sooooo thanks >:

i feel like mellisa really cares for me. it's not often someone tells me how they feel for me face to face..something intimidating about it? but thank you thank you

~

*stretch stretch* it's so weird because everyone said it looked liked i was having a good time saturday night. that is good though because i do not want any one to know how i feel > : iono i don't want anyone to feel bad?
marci said i don't tell others because i don't trust anyone... but i don't think that's why. i don't want anyone to feel guilty... *bleh* i just want everyone to see me as

ah today i went out to lunch with harrison. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i ended up skipping the rest of the day because i didn't feel like going back to school *is really tired of school*
it was fun and different hanging out with him. he took me to the restaurants paul's wife owns. it was really nice *dot dot dot*
it would've been nicer if i didn't see paul!!! ): *dies* paul is really nice person but he scares me soooooooo much. (paul= my insane old boss) it's not normal for a boss to ask "do you have boyfriend???" =____=;; and paul is so old!!! and married!!! he kept asking me if i am a lesbian... *i'm STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT, STRAIGHT*
sooooooooooooooooo awkward seeing him!!!
harrison said he is good at picking clothes out for girls so i'm going to go shopping with him friday. wanna come? :o

here are 2 songs i love right now

i want heaven
p.s. i am trying my best to be my old self..or maybe trying best to be a new self?? even though change is hard i have to keep telling myself it is good..nothing can be gained from a static life *needs to follow my own advise*
@ 0 @

i didn't know i could sleep so much XD; that's probably a sign something is wrong with me > > i feel sleep at around 5 yeterday and it's 6:43am now *dies*

i have prom pics for you and you ! ^^; (a lil more random eyes are reading this? that's ok~~~ as long as it's no one from school ; o ; ) just me and melissa~

haha i did not feel comfy this way. >:

aahh i don't want to talk about prom. i can't really remember much.

this won't be a happy post after all.
i don't know why... well i do.. but during dinner i went to the restroom and just started bawling with melissa. i can't say i enjoyed prom. it was stupid. at times it was fun, but it was only a momentarily distraction.

we left dinner early to sit outside and talk.
to make things really short
i couldn't force myself to have a good time without
benita and christie
i couldn't force myself to smile around marci and claire
as immature that may sound
it's true

from the standpoint of claire's friend i couldn't stand them being together. maybe i'm thinking about this too much but at times i think my indifference and kindess are what back stab me. claire told me i introduced her to marci. it's odd how the past seems to repeat itself. i introduced tiffany to alwin. i don't understand why i always let something special to me escape? is it selfish to hide my treasures? i always think if i never did, claire would be staying here with me. i really wanted to shout and scream at marci during dinner, but i just sat there.

i really should have not gone. i don't want anyone to be close to me because they'll only end up leaving me again.
i think it's best just to keep my distance from everyone.

last week in science classmate asked me, "how can you change so much?"
how did i change from "................" to "@#sfjdfuiasuidasdasdkjasdk"
it's weird and ironic.
i feel more alone than ever now even though so many surround me.
in the past when i kept to myself i felt more of a sense of security.

Thursday, 24 April 2008

growing up is painful > :

BAH. *needs to get ready for school* not going to miss the bus again!!!

Sunday, 20 April 2008

hullo~!
yay i didn't procrastinate on making a xanga
so far just youuuuuuuuu sarah are reading this! * 0 * cause im gonna subscribe to you in a sec XD

oh
here is my prom dress
AHHH IS IT TOO REVEALING!? T 3 T

erin said it looks like a clubbing dress, but i think it's c u t e!!!
BAHHHH
1)i'm not clubbing girl. . . I DONT DRESS LIKE THIS USALLY,

but
haha i'm planning on going to a club with claire just once! XD just to see how bleh it is~ learning expereince lol

i think i really missed xanga! cause there is so much stuff i wanna write. yaplog was more "---------" cause iono @ 3 @ iono!! *misses ranting*

P.S.
i love these websites!
http://www.style-arena.jp/index_e.htm
http://www.jafca.org/TokyoNewTribe/index.html

behold salon~kei! XD

hahaha no scissors are involved like i thought
http://www.jafca.org/TokyoNewTribe/salon/NewTribe10.html

P.P.S.
this is such a funny layout! i love the lady's red hair (:

P.P.P.S.

just kidding!
i picked it cause the lady's @rse is floating in the air ~ ~ ~

QUESTION: dorm or live at home?

ANSWER: d u n n o